


Greener Grasses

by ShadowoftheLamp



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: M/M, Species swap au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29506977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowoftheLamp/pseuds/ShadowoftheLamp
Summary: Human Zim muses on what he might be like as an irken.(He's not very correct.)
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	Greener Grasses

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [a post on my tumblr.](https://shadowofthelamp.tumblr.com/post/633440354052587520/adding-to-the-post-from-last-night-about-swap-i) (That also links to one itself.) This is sort of two ficlets that are thematically connected, and they were posted together on tumblr, so they go together here.
> 
> Dib landed and started going to skool to study the larvae of this planet, but found himself fascinated by Zim, and they became half-friends before Zim found out he was an alien, (which is a whole story on its own) and ended up staying that way afterward.

“I’d be a good irken,” Zim declared. He was laid out on his back, one leg bent up at the knee and the other crossed over it as he stared up at the sky through the haze of pollution. Dib had offered him his telescope, but he said that he kind of liked picking out shapes and patterns in the smog when they were outside. That way, he could choose his own constellations from what he could see, since it changed every night.

Dib was sitting up- his Pak made it a bit difficult to lay on his back without a chair specifically designed for an irken. He was watching Zim more than their surroundings- when you’ve seen dozens of planets, the sky from one or another is only an exercise in finding Irk again as fast as you can. In a sky as polluted as _this_ one? Forget it.

“You would,” Dib agreed, and Zim puffed his chest out, pleased as punch. 

“Of _course_ I would!” He turned to look at Dib. “So, how many kinds of jobs are there for irkens?”

“Well, there’s as many as we need to keep the Empire running. We can get slave labor or drones for the boring or mindless ones.” Dib started counting off on his fingers. They’d have his head if they found out he was telling secrets to an inferior pre-contact species like Zim, but the smile on Zim’s face and the chance to just talk without judgement was too good to pass up. “I’m a military biologist- I study local animals on planets that are either marked for conquest or already under Empire control, to see what they can be useful for before just exterminating them. Gaz is an invader- they sneak in under the radar to study planetary weaknesses. There are scientists, soldiers, historians…”

“I’d probably be a soldier. Or even better, a commander!” Zim raised a fist, and it shook slightly from how tightly he was clenching it.

“Really? I’d think you’d be an inventor or biological engineer. You’re good at that, despite having such pitiful resources on this planet while your mind was developing.” Dib tilted his head. “Or still is, rather. Humans only fully mature in their twenties, right?” 

Zim raised an eyebrow. “I _am_ a good inventor, but I’m meant for… for something _more!”_ He grinned. “You landing in this city… it was a sign. A sign that Zim had been made to show the world what I can _really_ do.” He leapt to his feet. “With your alien stuff and my brains and rugged determination, we can accomplish _anything.”_ He practically marched to the edge of the roof, and Dib used his Pak legs to push himself up before following him as Zim folded his arms behind his back.

“That doesn’t tell me why you’d prefer to be a soldier. Inventors still give the soldiers their cool guns, and those are needed to actually conquer anything.”

“The military is important for irkens, is it not?”

Dib nodded. “Most of the Empire revolves around keeping it well-oiled.”

“Then that’s where I’d belong. Right in the thick of everything, creating glory for the honor of the Empire- and for myself.” His fingers twitched. “I’d know exactly who and what I was, and my name would be on the lips of every recruit down-rank of me. _Everyone_ would know and respect Zim.”

Dib’s antenna twitched- there was something in Zim’s voice that he couldn’t quite decipher as he stared down at the city below, the lights flickering against his scarred face like the embers of a crashed engine.

_____________________

“Are you sure about this?” Dib raised an eye as Zim sat up on the table. 

“Of course I am.”

“It’s risky.”

“Life is risky. I could get hit by a car tomorrow, and this could save me! Do you _want_ me to get hit by a car, Dib? Huh? Do ya?”

Dib pulled down the extra-thick goggles and snapped on a pair of medical gloves. “Of course not, I just don’t want you whining to me during recovery.”

“Zim does not _whine.”_

“Zim forgot last week with the werewolf.”

“Hey, he came up behind me! You were supposed to be lookout!” Zim protested, before Dib pulled out the drill. The color flooded Zim’s face as he realized it was bigger than his head. “So that’s-”

“I’m drilling holes into your spine to install the Pak properly. Unless you want me to just slap it on and have it decide to attach sideways?” Dib moved to set the drill down, and Zim waved his hands. 

“No, no, I can handle it!”

“Good.” Dib set a hand on Zim’s cheek, and the human leaned against it, nuzzling his skin against the glove. “I’m glad you want this. Humans live such short, sad lives.”

“Humans stink,” Zim agreed with a slight nod. “And this will-”

Dib pulled his hand back. “It will extend your life significantly and will shift some of your insides to be a bit more irken in order to maintain compatibility. Your skin might change hue slightly, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you develop a few more allergies, but we can always just get you more irken foods, that won’t be too big a deal to just up the orders from Foodcourtia that Gaz and I need anyway. You’ll still be mostly human. I’ll need to keep monitoring you for about a month, of course, but after that there shouldn’t be too many surprises.”

“You’ve said the Pak has your brain. There’s not-”

Dib shook his head. “It’s factory-clean, don’t worry. They send out replacements if one gets damaged sometimes, for the computers to reupload particularly important irkens into. The only one who’s going to be in there is you once it fully syncs with your memories.”

Zim nodded, sagging a little in relief as Dib pulled out an anesthetic mask. 

“Good. This is _my_ body, no one else can have it!”

“Now, just relax.” Dib set the mask over Zim’s face, and within seconds his eyelids were fluttering. “When you wake up, it’ll all be over.”

Zim gave a little smile before his body fell limp in Dib’s arms, and Dib carefully laid him down on the table before picking up the drill.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated, as always!


End file.
